I slept for 9 hours last night. My dreams were densely-packed with images and information. Even immediately after waking, I couldn’t recall all I’d dreamed about because it was too much. It slipped quickly from my mind. When I awoke, I felt as though I had an answering machine in my head flashing its indicator light to tell me I have a new message. When I listened to it, it told me very clearly: You are no longer afraid of pregnancy.
Now, I’ve been afraid of pregnancy my whole life, long before I was old enough to actually become pregnant. The idea of becoming pregnant has always horrified me to the point I’ve thought of it as a phobia at times. Even yesterday, I had cause to think about this subject, and I felt the same old disgust and fear I always have felt towards it. Now, those feelings are gone. How is that possible? After 44 years, I am no longer afraid, but I don’t know why. I know it’s possible to get rid of phobias, but I’ve never heard of anyone getting rid of one in this way. What the heck?
I would like to point out that being afraid of pregnancy is not an uncommon fear. About one in ten women suffer from this fear to some degree. The phobia is called tokophobia. You can read more about the condition here.
I don’t know what happened, but I can feel a difference. The thought of pregnancy doesn’t bother me now. I’m not suddenly all mushy on the topic, of course. I don’t want to have kids. Still, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t feel scared by the thought anymore. It’s amazing, like a miracle. However, I don’t feel there was any sort of supernatural intervention. I’ve been blessed many times in my life, but this experience didn’t feel like any of those. This felt very natural, not of a supernatural or heavenly origin.
I just don’t understand how it happened, or why. Maybe I’m changing? I feel ten pounds lighter, like I dropped a weight I’d been carrying for a long time. I feel like something inside of me finally released, and I’m able to relax. It’s a burden I’m glad to set down, but I wish I knew how it happened. Why now? Why not ten years ago, or twenty? Still, I’m glad that feeling is gone. Life feels a little less horrible now. It really is a relief. It feels so strange to be rid of it! I’ve had a lot of strange things happen to me in my life; this is just the latest event. Perhaps I shouldn’t question it too much, and just enjoy finally being free of that fear.
To my readers, has anything like this ever happened to you? If so, do you know what caused it? I’d love to hear from others with this kind of experience! Am I unique in this regard?